My Thots... my words

Mr Z - Season Finale

2008-03-18T22:05:00.002Z

I have been gone for so long... work, my personal life and all has just been crazy.

The turn of events actually made me forget my obligation to you guys... i apologise.

A lot of things have happened in the past 4 months...

A few weeks after my last post, Mr Z came to visit me and after a very funny and fun filled evening, he brought out a "bling" and proposed! ... on his knees... i was both stunned... (more like flabawhelmed and overghasted) Isnt the natural order supposed to be "dating, then courtship?

I had never heard it this way before oh (and trust me, i know many ways). I just kept staring at him... tears welling in my eyes (isnt this what i always wanted?) i was both happy and scared at the same time.

How long have you been planning this i asked ...?

six months he said- his eyes, shiny and hopeful... and as i looked into them, i knew this were the only pair of eyes i wanted to keep staring at.... for forever

It took me another two weeks to start wearing the ring... the next couple of weeks felt so unreal. I was the happiest person alive. There were so many people to tell and explain to( how do u explain that you are single one minute and then jump several hurdles right to engaged?)

Being the melancholic that i am, i worried and fretted about the course the relationship took.
Even though we had been tight over the four years i had known him i still i worried that it was too fast, even though i have been praying about it for months subsequent to that- i still worried... but Its been three months now. I feel happy, glad and grateful to God. I am now glad i didnt give in to my worry and fear

I feel blessed because while i tossed turned and worried - the one who knew tomorrow had things under control.

We will get married in a peaceful quiet ceremony in August.

I have found my place... I am home!

Mr Z...

2007-11-29T19:12:00.000Z

Thanks Aijay, Allied, Belle & Writefreak
I was going to blog about N0s 1 -3 (X,Y,Z) in order of occurence but seeing that Mr Z is the most recent, am thinking maybe i should do it backwards...

Z and i worked in the same company( he had been working there some six years b4 i joined).
I was still in my 5 year old relationship and so even though i admired him as per carriage and all, that was where it ended. even after my relationship ended, it was the same - we would meet on the corridor/staircase, say hi and be on our merry way.
The only thing i noticed about him was he was looked too introverted (so not my type of person)

About two years later, Z left the country on secondment to work in a similar company in the UK.
i walked by his office one day, saw his desk was cleared and was told he had left. so i got his email address and harassed him for leaving without saying bye (as per corridor padi levels) he replied and we started our email friendship from there... (not regularly oh, like once a month kind of )

Anytime I came into the UK for vacation and stuff we would hook up: see movies and just generally catch up on jist (with some other friends from the office)
.... all the while, i remember thinking, Mehn, this dude is a nerd on the highest level

Then early this year, things took a turn and we became texting buddies.
my phone bills went up like mad...
he wasnt my kind of person (he was too closed up) but work was killing me and he was a nice "distraction" plus he had the craziest, nicest sense of humour on the block!.

We sent sms throughout the day, texting back and forth (mostly about nothing) like it was a competition.
It was really fun for me...and then we started getting close.
very soon he became my confidante, i usually couldnt wait to talk to him (he always managed to have something good to say).
then the calls started, at first once or twice a week, then it became everyday...

i suppose it occurred to me for the first time that there was "something" when i realised i wouldnt be able to sleep until he had made his "ritual call" and we would talk and talk.

but he didnt "say" anything, so i figured big deal? at this time my friends had already started teasing me but it was like water off a ducks back.

Then, i was also seconded to the UK for a one year course (hmmm) and things got really interesting... i was around for two weeks before i went to my own place (which is 7 hours away from him) and those two weeks were... lets just say it kinda confirmed to me that he had something up his sleeve

By my 4th month here, i was smitten. it was like he was with me everywhere...we talked like tomorow was going to expire...

he was just there for me, patient , prayer buddy, 247 listener...did i mention that he showed up at my door one day? without warning! I was positive i was going to faint that day (both from joy and confusion).
when he was leaving that day, he gave me his credit card with the password. said he had a £3k limit on it and that i could have it (bcos he wanted me to be comfortable)!

Anyway, in the middle of all this he still hadnt "said" anything but he had managed to "shadow" me completely. i had no best friend, no toaster, nothing! Just him and God

The most unnerving was how he would swing from sweet, sweet Z to telling me stuff like "thats what big bros are for".
i woke up one morning and realised i was acting in "Love that never was" part 3 (X & Y being 1&2).
it was becoming a vicious cycle (story same, lead actress same, just different guys)

One day, i summoned courage and sent him a mail . Summary was something like - dude what are u up to?

It took him a while to reply and when he did, summary was - he wants to be friends till when/if something comes up. He's scared of committing cos he doesnt want to hurt me and while he is waiting, i am free to move on

Friends, this is where i am... we still talk everday and thats because over and above all the flying emotions, he has come to become my bestest friend and i am trying to not throw that away

(plus i still have the credit card..lol) , actually, plus he is not ready to stop being my friend

What kind of prayer do you make in such situations? that God should chase him away, bring someone else or make him talk?
and yeah, what about how i feel???

The Life of a Woman

2007-11-24T00:29:00.000Z

i have tried to wonder why it seems as though women are weak.

i mean, we do the multitasking- work, keep the home, raise the children, look good (the list is endless in the life of the average woman) and still manage to do a good job of it...

But when it comes to the issues of the heart, it looks like all the unique gifts of strenght (which have been displayed in every other area of her life) just go on a long vacation!

Is it just me or all women. using me for example, i happen to know i am a very level headed and strong person. i manage to sit on top of things and get things done...in short my CV is tight..Lol

but this night when i was talking to Mr Z, it was like the someone erased every sharp skill in the CV and replaced it with things like silly, stupid, slow...

sometimes i wish i were much younger when i could indulge in those giggles and shy smiles (oh, those good ol days) and wish the guy could just carry you away in a rolls Royce (or is it Horse?) ..whatever, u get the message..

But this days, u have to be proper and sensible.. even if what you really want is to check by some scientific method if He is the one.

The whole heart marra is confusing sef and it looks like the older one gets, the more complicated the formula is. sometimes i pray one would not finally arrive "there" a tired old maid (not in age, but in the mind - the way my mind runs marathons these days...)

Z, i know you cant read this but i wish you would tell me what you are up to.

I wish you would assure me you wont break my heart. I can feel myself letting go and i am thinking in my head "mythots not again" ...

Hovering around me and "shadowing" me seriously for over one year without a word is dangerous for the heart oh.

I wish you would be different. I pray you wouldn't be number 3

Next time i will tell you guys about Nos 1-3...and of the Love (or is it Love(s) since they are more than one) that never was

Meanwhile, pls who knows why we women are like this.

I Hope

2007-11-23T10:35:00.000Z

Introduction, I am a writer

some people call me "... ..." but you can call me "mythots"

I have been a blog stalker for so long so i figured why not start one...

I hope you will have fun here.

I hope i get accepted into the bloggers family.

I hope u drop a comment everytime you stop by

I hope u know me as i have come to know most of you

I hope you come again... and again